


i can't believe i feel this way

by jennycaakes



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Dating, Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-23
Updated: 2017-01-23
Packaged: 2018-09-19 09:51:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,906
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9434519
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jennycaakes/pseuds/jennycaakes
Summary: Everyone thinks it's Miller who's really bad at expressing emotions. Turns out it might actually be Monty.Or, Nate tells Monty he loves him and Monty freaks out.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [katsumi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/katsumi/gifts).



> I just wanted to write some fluff ok

Monty is positively spoiled.

He’s still not used to waking up in bed with his boyfriend on lazy Saturday mornings with their legs tangled beneath the sheets. He’s rarely ever awake before Nate is, considering Nate’s hardwired to wake up and _exercise_ like some sort of crazy person, but today’s different. Today the sun streaming through the window has Monty waking up first, still curled against Nate, thinking about just how spoiled he is.

Monty loves mornings with Nate. His smiles are always more abundant then, like Nate’s forgotten his perpetual state is to be scowling or rolling his eyes or stifling a groan. He just smiles and laughs and ducks his head and looks so happy and so fond of Monty in bed beside him. Monty loves morning kisses too, despite there sometimes being morning breath. Nate’s always still sleepy in the morning so the kisses are excessive and the warmth between them seems to stretch on forever.

It’s not that Nate isn’t fond of Monty during other hours of the day, it’s just everything in the morning between feels lighter.

They’re in Nate’s bed now, and Monty seriously should bring up the possibility of the two of them moving in together. They flip flop between apartments but there’s hardly been a night in the past couple of weeks where they haven’t fallen asleep together and woken up the same. He likes the idea of them moving into an apartment all on their own, starting something new together, rather than Monty moving in with him or vice versa. It's just, that's a big step.

Big steps are scary.

Nate blinks, his long eyelashes fluttering as he wakes up, and there’s instantly a smile on his face. “Are you watching me sleep?” Nate asks.

Monty’s close enough that he can bump his nose against Nate’s. “Maybe.”

Nate’s smile grows. “Nerd,” he whispers. He shifts, sliding his hand up Monty’s back, and tugging Monty against his chest. The angle makes it perfect for Nate to press a warm kiss to Monty’s forehead. “How’d you sleep?” he asks, still moving his hand up and down Monty’s back. Monty might just fall back asleep like this.

“I had this dream,” Monty says. He lifts his hand so he can trace patterns across Nate’s bare chest. “I can’t really remember it all. But I was definitely in space.” Nate laughs and with Monty pressed to his chest, he can feel it deep in his soul. “Jasper was there,” Monty carries on, switching to draw stars. “And we could see Earth.”

“You were just floating?” Nate asks.

“Nah, we were in like, a space station.”

“Oh, of course.” Nate presses another kiss to his forehead. “Makes perfect sense.”

Monty’s hand splays across Nate’s chest. He could stay in bed all day. In fact he asks, “Want to stay in bed all day?”

Nate laughs again. The sound of it is so warm. “I’d like that,” Nate murmurs. “We have to have coffee at some point though.”

“Because you can’t function without it,” Monty agrees with a smile. “I know.” Nate’s hand slides up Monty’s back, teasing the ends of his hair before sliding his fingers through it. “How’d _you_ sleep?” Monty asks.

“Always better when you’re with me,” Nate answers softly. Monty closes his eyes for a moment and lets the weight of those words wash over him.

Monty can’t fight his smile. “You’re not allowed to say things like that,” Monty murmurs.

He can hear the smile on Nate’s voice too, even though they can’t see each other because of how they’re curled. “No?”

“No,” Monty says. “Because no one will ever believe me that Nathan Miller said it.”

“Well good,” Nate hums. “I don’t want to spend all day with everyone else. I want to spend all day with you.”

“Stop it,” Monty says with a laugh.

“My handsome, talented, incredible boyfriend.”

“I hate you,” Monty says. He’s grinning as he pulls himself up, looking at Nate who’s also still smiling. He looks sleepy and warm and how in the world did Monty get so lucky? “I’ll make the coffee,” he says, loving the way Nate’s smile grows. “I know how you like it.”

“I know you do,” Nate agrees. He tugs Monty down for a kiss before Monty climbs out of bed. He fishes around on the ground for his boxers while Nate curls into the warm spot that Monty leaves behind. “Bellamy’s at Clarke’s,” he says. “If you wanted to forgo the clothes.”

“I’m not walking around your apartment naked,” Monty says, wiggling into his underwear. “I did that once and Murphy showed up.”

“Still not sure how he has a key,” Nate muses.

“I’ll be back in a minute,” Monty says.

He grabs his phone from the nightstand and heads toward the door.  Monty’s in the doorway when Nate sits up, all of his morning glow already gone from his face. “Hey,” he calls. Monty lingers. It’s like Nate has to say something. Monty waits. “I love you,” he says.

 _I love you_.

Those are big words. They’re even bigger words when they come from Nathan Miller.

Monty’s hand lifts to the doorframe. “Thank you,” he blurts. Nate’s face falls slightly. “Coffee,” Monty says, jerking his thumb over his shoulder. Nate looks down at his lap, nodding, and Monty spins and rushes away from him.

Shit.

It takes a moment for Monty’s shaking hands to get the coffee pot on and running. That was bad. That was so bad. He knows how bad that was.

 **From Monty  
** EMERGENCY

 **From Jasper**  
i was asleep but here  
i am, your knight in  
shining armor. whats  
up????

 **From Monty**  
NATE TOLD ME HE  
LOVES ME

 **From Jasper  
** NICE DUDE

 **From Monty**  
I SAID THANKS AND  
RAN AWAY

 **From Jasper**  
….NOT NICE, DUDE  
WHAT THE HECK

 **From Monty  
** I PANICKED IDK

 **From Jasper**  
well it was nice seeing  
a softer side of miller  
but i guess back to  
stone cold asshole we  
go huh?

 **From Monty  
** that’s not HELPFUL

The coffee machine hisses to life and Monty startles, lowering his phone to watch the pot fill up. Nate’s not good at feelings, like, ever. So working up to the point in which he can tell Monty that he loves him—that’s a big deal. Monty knows that it’s a big deal. Somehow, coming from Nate, it means more than it would coming from someone else.

They also haven’t been together that long. Six months, about. And—crap, Nate’s always so much softer in the morning. What if that’s all this is? Nate just being soft, waking up warm, cuddled together with Monty? What if it’s just the afterglow of a nice night of sleep?

 **From Jasper  
** maybe say it back???

 **From Jasper**  
unless u dont feel  
the same then we got  
another issue COMPLETELY

Jasper might be Monty’s best friend, but this is seriously more of a Clarke issue than it is a Jasper one. He should’ve texted her first. She at least would have helpful advice.

 **From Jasper**  
i can totally sense that  
ur freaking out ok just  
BREATHE MONTY I GOT  
THIS COVERED

The coffee pot is finally full and Monty crosses the kitchen to pull out two mugs, but pauses on second thought. He grabs Nate’s mug instead and fills it, preparing it just the way he likes (no creamer, but lots of sugar). Monty leaves his phone on the counter and returns to Nate’s room, finding him sitting up in bed with his own phone in his hand. He smiles at Monty when he enters but upon realizing there’s only one mug in his hand his smile slips away.

“None for you?” Nate asks slowly, accepting the mug Monty passes his way.

Monty sits on the edge of Nate’s bed. “I, uh,” Monty searches for the words. He can’t seem to figure out what he wants to say. But something in his chest feels tight, feels wrong, and he needs to leave. He can’t be here anymore. “It totally slipped my mind,” Monty says. Nate looks down at his mug. He’s gripping it so tightly that his knuckles are white. “I’ve got lab stuff due tomorrow night,” he says. “I don’t think I’ll be able to get it all done tomorrow.”

“Sure,” Nate says. He manages a smile, but Monty’s an expert on all of Nate’s smiles and this one’s a fake. “It’s your senior year,” he says, still looking at his mug. “It’s… important. That you get your work done.”

“You don’t mind?” Monty asks.

“You’re the one who wanted to stay in bed all day,” Nate murmurs.

Monty’s stomach twists.  “Nate—”

“It’s fine,” he cuts him off.

 _Say something_ , Monty thinks. _Something reassuring, something warm._ But he doesn’t have experience in things like this, especially with Nathan Miller, and all he can think about is freaking binary. How is that helpful? It’s not! It’s not helpful and Nate’s upset and Monty can’t manage words at all.

He stands and gathers his clothes from the floor, getting dressed in silence while Nate sips from his mug. _At least kiss him goodbye_ , Monty thinks. He watches Nate set his mug aside.

“I’m gonna shower,” he murmurs.

“I’ll, uh, text you,” Monty says. He tries to force every ounce of brightness he has into his smile but Nate barely looks at him. “Yeah?”

“Sure.”

Nate climbs out of bed, grabbing his mug, and heads into the bathroom without another word. This is bad. This is so bad.

Monty hurries out of Nate’s room and grabs his scattered belongings, remembering his phone on the counter just before he leaves.

 **From Jasper**  
do not be afraid, for  
i have gathered the  
best of the best to  
handle this situation

 **From Monty  
** omg… jasper…

 **From Clarke  
** What’s going on?

 **From Raven**  
honestly I’m in way too  
many group chats with  
you people

 **From Wells**  
Thrilled to be best of  
the best.

 **From Jasper**  
i love group chats so  
much i feel so alive

 **From Monty  
** THIS IS UNNECESSARY

 **From Clarke**  
An explanation would  
be nice

 **From Jasper**  
miller told monty he  
loves him and monty  
said thanks and now he  
is literally fleeing the  
scene

 **From Wells  
** Oh Monty…

* * *

By the time Monty finally arrives at Azgeda Bakery for brunch, everyone else is already there. He didn’t head home and change because his nerves were too thick and everything inside of him felt weird and he just can’t think normally. He can’t think at all. Clarke looks annoyed but also sad, and Wells and Raven are murmuring something to each other while Jasper fiddles on his phone.

“I was planning on spending my entire day in bed with my boyfriend,” Clarke says pointedly when Monty sits down. “When I had to instead _lie_ to him and tell him my mom needed me for something, when instead I am here.”

Monty drops his head into his hands. “You didn’t have to come,” he murmurs.

“Obviously I was going to come,” Clarke says. "This felt important."

“As much as I adore you,” Wells says to Monty, “I’ve known Miller practically my entire life. I’m not letting this get out of control.”

“It’s already out of control,” Raven says. “We’re at brunch.” She sets her hands down on the table, palms against the surface. “The question is simple, do you love Miller?”

“That’s not a simple question,” Clarke cuts in before Monty can answer, though Monty does lower his hands from his face. “Love is complicated.”

“Miller love even more so,” Jasper chimes.

“I don’t think it’s that hard of a question,” Raven says. “You’ve been together for, like, half a year. Friends longer—a lot longer. I’m sure you have _some_ idea where your feelings are.”

Everyone looks to Monty, but he agrees with Clarke. It’s not a simple question.

Does he love Nate? There are so many ways to love someone.

“I think the _more important_ thing here,” Jasper says, cutting into the thoughts that Monty wasn’t even allowed to start having, “is the fact that _Nathan Miller_ told Monty he loves him! That—that’s huge!”

“Miller’s not incapable of love,” Wells says with a laugh.  

“And Monty’s not hard to love,” Clarke adds with a smile.

“I think Jasper means the admission of it,” Monty says after a beat. “I mean—Nate’s not big on feelings, we all know it.”

“It’s different with you though,” Raven wonders, “right?”

Monty thinks of this morning in bed, of when Nate said soft things he knew none of their friends would believe. And it’s not even the fact that Nate’s different when he's alone with Monty, he’s not. He’s just more _Nate_ than when he’s around groups of people. Nate doesn’t like PDA and he doesn’t like large groups but that doesn’t mean he’s not a gentle lover at heart. Nate likes romance. He likes sunrises and sunsets, he likes holding hands, he likes soft whispers into one another’s ears. Of course Nate’s different with Monty. But that doesn’t mean he’s _different_.

“It just means _a lot_ ,” Monty finally says. “Nate saying that he loves me means _a lot_.”

“It did take him months to admit he was into you,” Clarke responds. She looks to Monty, a smile on her face. “He told Bellamy _weeks_ before he asked you out that he had a thing for you,” she says. “He was really drunk. And it was amazing.”

“I remember that,” Raven says with a grin.

“We were all at the bar,” Wells says with a nod. “You were studying for some test, I think,” he carries on. “Jasper, you were with Maya I’m pretty sure.”

“The love of my life,” Jasper hums.

“And Miller was doing shots,” Clarke carries on. “He was whining about how Monty wasn’t around because of studying.”

“Something about how nothing’s fun without Monty,” Raven adds with a laugh.

“I helped Bellamy get Miller home,” Clarke says. “After he put Miller in bed he comes out, laughing. Says Miller was stressed because he had feelings he didn’t know what to do with, or something like that. Refused to talk about it in the morning. Very angry and hungover.”

“See,” Monty says, feeling miserable but also sort of warm. “He’s bad at feelings!”  

“So an admission of love,” Wells concludes, “is scary. For both of you.”

"Both of us?" Monty asks.

“Because it means a lot,” Clarke agrees, echoing Monty’s words.

They pause while the waiter arrives and takes their orders, and the table is oddly silent after she’s gone. Monty is trapped inside of his own head.

“Are you?” Wells asks after a moment passes. “Scared?”

Monty sighs. Love is scary. He’s watched his mother in the years after his father’s death, broken and full of heartache and suffering because of love. And he’s watched Bellamy been thrown through the emotional ringer because of so many arguments and disagreements with Octavia because of love. He’s watched Raven get her heart broken again and again. He’s watched love ruin people.

But he’s watched it do magical things, too. Like with Bellamy and Clarke. And Jasper and Maya.

And him and Nate.

Monty realizes with a start that Nate’s always the one who goes first. Nate’s always the one who makes the first move. The first to say how he feels, no matter how hard it is.

This confession of love, it’s no different.

* * *

_He was still Miller back then._

_They were all at the bar, the gang scattered out across the counter. To the right was Jasper, to the left was Raven. Monty had just finished his second shot of the night when there was a tap on his shoulder._

_“Can I talk to you?” Miller asked gently. Monty looked down at the counter where his empty shot glass sat, over at Jasper who was texting Maya something long, and then back to Miller before nodding. “Alone?”_

_“Sure,” Monty said._

_Being alone with Miller did funny things to his stomach, things Monty didn’t want to address because he thought it would ruin the flow of their group of friends, but he craved those moments all the same. He hopped from his chair and followed Miller across the bar, out the door to the porch._

_It was a cool night but not cold enough to make him want to hurry back inside. Instead he wound his arms around himself and leaned back against the railing._

_“You okay?” Monty asked._

_Miller nodded. He pressed his lips tightly together and stared out off the balcony, looking at the lights of the city around them. “Yeah,” he said. “Yeah.”_

_Monty hugged his arms closer to himself. Maybe he just wanted Monty out of the bar because last time he drank he got a little_ too _drunk and ended up on his and Bellamy’s couch, and maybe Miller didn’t want to take care of him again. That was still awkward, Monty waking up on Bellamy and Miller’s couch with the worst hangover he’d had in years. Maybe Monty still hadn’t thanked him for that._

_“I appreciate it,” Monty said suddenly. Miller turned his head to look at him, his face blank. “When you took care of me a few weeks ago,” Monty added. “Let me sleep on your couch.”_

_Miller sighed, dragging his hand over his head. “You know why I did that, don’t you?”_

_Monty hesitated. “Jasper went home with Maya and you didn’t think I’d be able to make it to my apartment by myself?” Monty guessed._

_“Because I like you,” Miller corrected. Monty’s mouth went dry. Miller was looking at him with his intense brown eyes and Monty didn’t know what to say back. “I like it when you slip up and call me Nate,” Miller carried on. “And I like it when you smile. And I like listening to you talk about space and chemistry and Star Wars. And—I like you, Monty.”_

_Even if they weren’t the only two on the roof, it certainly felt like they were. Monty dropped his arms from around himself. “You… like me?”_

_Miller’s mouth curved upwards. “That’s what I just said, yeah.”_

_“But like,” Monty’s brain was humming, “_ me _?”_

_“Yes, Monty,” Miller said. “Why’s that the shocking part of this?”_

_Monty gestured wildly to Miller. “Because you’re…” and then he gestured back to himself. “And I’m…” Miller took a step toward him and Monty closed his mouth so quickly that his teeth clicked. “I never thought that you’d…” Monty finally managed. He looked up, finding Miller a lot closer than he’d expected._

_“I’m not very good at this,” Miller said gently. “Especially—you make me nervous.”_

_A laugh of disbelief escaped Monty before he could stop it. “Me?”_

_“Yes, Monty,” Miller murmured. “You.”_

_“Sorry,” Monty said quickly. “I didn’t mean to laugh. You just—also make me nervous.”_

_Miller grinned, and wow what a sight it was. “Really?” he asked, and Monty nodded. “The good kind?” he wondered._

_“I used to not be so sure,” Monty admitted. “Because we’re all friends, you know? And Bellamy and Clarke just started dating which made stuff—well, not weird. But it changed our whole group dynamic a little. You know? And me liking you would—well I was convinced it would make things awkward. And I think I’m rambling now.”_

_“Just a little,” Miller said._

_“On the awkward? Or the—”_

_“Rambling,” Miller cut him off._

_“Yeah,” Monty said. He closed his mouth. He waited._

_Miller was still smiling. “Do you want to go on a date with me?” Miller asked._

_“Yeah,” Monty answered. “I really, really do.”_

* * *

_“I’m not really good at first dates,” Monty said, settling into the seat across from Miller. He was still Miller, even after he’d admitted he liked it when Monty called him Nate. Nate still felt too precious for someone like Monty, new to feelings with Miller. “Or dates at all.”_

_“Then don’t think of it as a date,” Miller said, lowering his menu. “We’re just getting ice cream.”_

_Monty kind of wished whatever was happening between him and Miller had happened the way it did with Bellamy and Clarke. They had their Big Grand Admission of Feelings which resulted in making out, and then all of the awkwardness was gone. This date, going through the motions, it made Monty fidgety. Someone like Nathan Miller liking Monty Green was still a lot to process. Maybe making out would make it easier to deal with._

_“Okay,” Monty said. "We’re just getting ice cream. The two of us. Alone. Without the rest of our friends to distract us. Or give us conversation topics.”_

_Miller dropped his menu and reached across the table to grab Monty’s hand. “Relax,” he said softly. Miller had nice hands. Monty twisted his wrist so they could lace their fingers together, and the smile on Miller’s face grew. “We have plenty to talk about,” he said calmly. At least, he appeared calm. Maybe Miller was internally freaking out about this too. If he was, it would certainly make Monty feel better. “Like…” Miller trailed off, squinting a little as he thought. “If you could have any superpower, what would it be? And why?”_

_Monty laughed and Miller’s smile grew. “Bringing out the tough stuff right away, I see,” Monty said._

_From there, the tension seemed to dissipate. They talked about superpowers and their favorite superheroes and their favorite comic book adaptations of things. And then they talked about Star Wars and Star Trek and space travel in general. And then they talked about dream vacations and long term goals and general hopes and dreams. And it was good._

_By the time the finished their ice cream, Monty didn’t think that first dates were all that bad. Miller had driven them both, though they kept quiet about their intentions with the rest of their friends. There was less pressure that way. They reached Miller’s car and before Monty could step around to the other side, Miller slid his hands around Monty’s hips and tugged him close._

_“I’m going to kiss you,” Miller said. Monty nodded, but he didn’t move. “Unless you don’t want me to,” he added._

_“No, I do,” Monty burst. “I just—haven’t kissed anyone for a while.”_

_“Me neither,” Miller murmured, leaning in. His nose bumped Monty’s, and Monty’s breath caught in his throat. “Okay?”_

_Monty nodded. He tipped his chin back to meet Miller halfway in the kiss. Monty’s hand reached up, cupping Miller’s cheek and keeping him close, and Miller chased him every time he tried to pull away. When Miller’s tongue slipped into Monty’s mouth, Monty groaned. Miller’s hands gripped him harder after that, fingers pressing into Monty’s hips, carefully turning him and pushing him against the car. He still tasted like ice cream, mint chocolate chip, and if every kiss from Miller was this sweet Monty would never need sugar again._

_When Monty absolutely needed air he managed to pull back, but Miller pressed forward and nipped his way across Monty’s chin. His scruff was a new sensation altogether and tingled as it scraped over Monty’s neck. Miller sucked hard against Monty’s throat and Monty gasped, dropping his head backwards._

_“Miller,” he murmured. “Christ.”_

_“Who?” he exhaled._

_“Nate,” Monty corrected. Miller hummed and Monty felt his mouth curve into a smile against his skin. “God you’re—oh wow.” Miller lifted himself from Monty’s throat and grinned. Monty tugged him back in for a kiss that Miller melted into without hesitation._

_“So,” Miller murmured against Monty’s mouth. “Do I get a second date?”_

_Monty couldn’t stop himself from laughing._

* * *

_They didn’t really tell their friends that they were dating, they just changed their Facebook status and waited for the reaction. The group chat exploded with cheers and hundreds of emojis in celebration while Monty curled into Nate’s side on the couch and they watched the messages pour in together._

_That’s when he was Nate. After that first night, after that first kiss, after a promise of more. He was only Nate for Monty though, everyone else still called him Miller. Neither of them minded. It was something for just the two of them._

_Nate had been the one to first ask Monty to stay the night. It had been a month after they made things official and Monty was at his and Bellamy’s apartment. They’d been watching Harry Potter all day and then sun had finally dipped behind the city skyline. Bellamy was out with Clarke and the two of them had the apartment to themselves._

_Monty yawned. They were just finishing up the fifth movie and he was tired. Nate had his armed draped over Monty’s shoulder. “Babe,” Nate said softly. Monty yawned again, and Nate let out a little laugh. “Tired?”_

_Monty sat up, rubbing his eyes. “Yeah,” he murmured. “I should go,” he said._

_Nate frowned. “Why?”_

_“So I don’t fall asleep behind the wheel?” Monty wondered_

_Nate pulled him back to sit down. “Stay,” he whispered. Monty craned his neck to look at him. “Just stay the night,” Nate said. “We can sleep in. Watch the rest tomorrow.” Monty opened his mouth to respond but this felt intimate, this invitation, and Monty wasn’t sure how to handle it. Nate reached out to cup Monty’s cheek. “No rush for anything,” he said gently. “Just sleep. You’re tired.”_

_Monty leaned into his hand. “Okay.”_

_Nate smiled. “Yeah?”_

_“Waking up next to you?” Monty teased. “Yes, please.”_

_Nate tugged him forward to steal a kiss before guiding him off the couch, leading Monty toward his bedroom. They hadn’t slept together yet in any sense of the word and it had been making Monty nervous. But Nate’s comforting words eased the anxiety at once._

_“I’ve got sweatpants you can wear,” Nate said, digging through his drawers while Monty sat on the edge of his bed. “Or not wear.”_

_“I’ll take a pair,” Monty said with a smile. Nate grinned over his shoulder. “Do you have a preferred side?” he asked. “Of the bed?”_

_“Mm, no. Either or.”_

_They got ready for bed and climbed in, and it wasn’t as awkward as Monty thought it would be. “I’ve never really slept with someone like this,” he murmured once the lights were out. Nate wiggled, tugging Monty closer in the dark. “I might snore.”_

_Nate laughed. “I don’t mind.”_

_“And hog the blankets,” Monty added._

_Nate laughed again. “You’re not gonna scare me away, Green,” he murmured. His chest was against Monty’s back and his arm was wound over Monty’s waist. “I like you too much.”_

_Monty shivered. “You’re a romantic,” he said._

_“Shhh,” Nate whispered. “Don’t tell anyone.”_

_The next morning, when Monty woke up and they were twined together, he got to see that other side of Nate for the first time. The side with dozens of sleepy smiles and an abundance of kisses, long and lazy, soft and sweet._

* * *

**From Nate**  
I think we should  
probably talk.

Monty’s sitting on his couch when he gets the text. It makes him feel sick. He immediately feels sick.

“I’m just not sure why this calls for an entire group meeting,” Bellamy says from across the room. After brunch they headed back to Monty and Jasper’s apartment because Monty had still not managed to contact Miller or voice how he felt, and it was mostly because he was still confused and afraid. “No offense, Monty,” Bellamy adds.

“None taken,” he says quickly.

“Everything is better when you have your friends around,” Jasper says. Octavia and Maya and Murphy are here as well, because why the hell not, and Monty feels awful because Nate should be here too. _Nate should be here too_.

“Monty’s relationship is Monty’s relationship,” Octavia says with a frown. “It’s none of our business.”

“Much appreciated,” Monty says, pointing in her direction. “Thank you.”

There’s a knock on the front door before it pushes open down the hall. “Finally!” Jasper shouts. “Now that Harper’s here,” he says, “we can all talk about Monty’s disastrous love life as a unit.”

The entire room falls silent. Monty glances over his shoulder, finding Nate standing there with his hands hanging limply by his side, his face blank. Monty can’t even imagine what’s going through his head, rounding the corner to find all of his friends in a circle without him.

He clears his throat awkwardly.

Nate scratches his nose. “I, uh.” He shakes his head and turns, making his way toward the kitchen.

Monty whips back around to face Jasper who’s gone pale. “Abort,” Jasper whispers. “Abort, abort!”

Monty jumps to his feet and gives his friend an annoyed look before hurrying to the kitchen, finding Nate leaning against the counter with his head tipped back. He opens his eyes at the sound of footsteps before letting out a long sigh.

“What the hell is going on, Monty?” he asks, his voice soft. He pushes himself away from the counter and starts in Monty’s direction but stops last minute. “I’m just… confused.”

“It’s not what it looks like,” Monty says quickly, trying to find some sort of words to make things right.

“I’m not even sure what it looks like,” Nate admits. There’s a knock on the front door and Harper pushes her way into the apartment. She sees Nate and Monty in the kitchen and shuffles awkwardly past them toward the living room where everyone else is gathered. “Guess I wasn’t invited to the party,” he murmurs.

“Nate—”

“Listen,” Nate stops him. “If I—if this morning…” he stops himself. “If you want to end things,” he says, his eyebrows drawn together, his voice rough, “then just tell me, and stop—”

“Stop?” Monty echoes. “No—you stop! You stop,” he says quickly. He grabs onto Nate’s shirt and grips him tightly. “End things?”

Nate blinks a few times before leaning in, resting his forehead against Monty’s. “I told you that I loved you and you _ran_ , Monty.”

“It scared me,” Monty whispers.

“It _scared_ you?” Nate tosses back. He lifts one hand to cradle Monty’s cheek. “Talk to me,” he pleads.

Monty’s quiet for a moment. Everyone’s still in the living room, and if he and Nate raise their voices even just a touch then they’ll all be listening in. And he’s spent enough of his day being thrown through the ringer by his friends.

“Come on,” Monty murmurs. If they take the back hallway they can get to Monty’s room without passing the living room, without passing their friends. He reaches for Nate’s hand and finds that Nate’s shoved both of his own in his pockets. “My room,” he says, and Nate nods.

They move quickly and quietly, shutting the door behind them as softly as they can. Monty gestures to his bed but Nate stands, his hands still in his pocket, his eyebrows still drawn together. They’re quiet for a moment, and Monty knows that he should be the first to talk, for once, but he feels frozen again. And Nate, he looks so damn sad.

“If it was too fast,” Nate finally says, “or if I came on too strong too soon, I’m sorry. I don’t want to ruin what we have.”

“Me neither,” Monty says. “And you didn’t. I swear. I just—maybe I’m not as good at feelings as I thought I was.” Monty looks down to the floor. “Maybe you’re better than me at them, actually.”

Nate snorts. “Never thought I’d hear that,” he says.

Monty looks up at him and Nate’s looking at him with a soft look in his eyes. “You’re always so sure of how you feel,” Monty says. The words start leaking out of him. “You’re the one who asked me out. And on our date—you’re the one who kissed me first. And now you tell me you love me and you sound so _sure_ , and…”

“It’s because I am,” Nate says. “I know that I love you. And I didn’t say it because I needed to hear you say it back.” Nate steps toward him slowly. “I just said it because I wanted you to know.” He pulls his hands from his pockets and reaches up, cupping Monty’s cheek like he had in the kitchen, brushing his thumb over Monty’s chin. They’re both quiet for a moment before Monty sighs, looking down. Nate steps toward him again, sliding his freehand around Monty’s waist. “What are you thinking?” he whispers.

Monty shakes his head. “I don’t know.” Nate tugs him closer. “You make me nervous,” Monty says. Nate lets out a soft laugh, tugging Monty’s chin up to try and get Monty to look at him again. “You’re new to me,” Monty says. “The way you make me feel, it’s all new and it’s terrifying. Because I’ve seen—I’ve seen people who feel like I do with you, and they get hurt.”

Nate drops his forehead to Monty’s. “I don’t want to do that,” Nate whispers.

“I know. I know. But.”

“It’s scary,” Nate concludes. Monty nods. Part of him wants to duck and hide. He doesn’t have any right to say that Nate’s no good at feelings when he’s just as bad at them himself. Evidently he's actually much worse. “Well,” Nate murmurs, “that’s okay. Because it’s scary for me too.”

“Oh shut up.”

“It is,” Nate says with a laugh. “I’ve been hurt before. But I shove all that bullshit aside because you’re worth it.”

Monty melts. “I love you,” he sighs.

“Monty—”

“I do,” Monty says with certainty. Because it's true. He's been trying to fight it all day but it hasn't done anyone any good. “I have.” Nate leans in and kisses Monty firmly, Monty’s hands flying up to cup Nate’s face. “I’m sorry I ran,” he murmurs against Nate’s lips. He’s not sure if Nate hears him though, considering he’s pushing Monty backwards toward his bed. “Won’t happen again. Swear it.”

Monty falls backwards on the bed and Nate climbs on top of him. “No hard feelings,” Nate breathes. He pulls back suddenly, fumbling for his phone in his pocket as he slides off the bed and hurries for the door, flicking the lock shut.

Monty’s own phone buzzes in his pocket. He pulls it out as Nate climbs back into bed.

 **From Nate  
** Leave.

Monty throws his head back in a laugh as Nate tosses his phone to the side and frames Monty’s face again. He’s texted everyone in the living room.

 **From Murphy**  
You two are so  
DRAMATIC

“Do you really have lab stuff to do?” Nate asks as he peels Monty’s shirt off, kissing his way up Monty’s stomach.

Monty hesitates. “Maybe not.”

“You suck,” Nate laughs. “We could’ve stayed in bed.”

There’s a knock on Monty’s door and laughter on the other side, their friends teasing them before marching down the hallway and leaving them alone.

“We have tomorrow,” Monty promises.

Another day to get it all right. A day to wake up wound around one another, the light streaming through the window. And this time when Monty darts off to make coffee and Nate says  _I love you_ Monty can look back and return the sentiment. Then Monty'll climb back in bed and they'll sip their coffee and talk about their dreams. And they'll kiss and soak up the rays of the sun and forget that anyone else exists besides the two of them. 

And it will be perfect.

“Yes," Nate agrees. "We do.”


End file.
